Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
