I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
