Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
