so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
