I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
