I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
