my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
