My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
