and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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