I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
