The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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