So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
