I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
