I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
