Welp...herpes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
