why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Randomize
