K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
