how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
