I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
