Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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