Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
