I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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