i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize