he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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