Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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