im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
