Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
