anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
