the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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