I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
