the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
