I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
