I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
