Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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