If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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