its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
