she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
