So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
