so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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