last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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