You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize