i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
