Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think people are normalizing furries
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
