I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we should paint friendship bongs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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