she was so not down for the gang bang
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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