Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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