Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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