one two three fourrrrnication!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
