Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
