oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
