it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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