it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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