Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
