Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
