I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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