Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
