this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
