Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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