At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
