its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
