i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we're so committed to being not committed
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