if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
