I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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