I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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