Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
