I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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