Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
