I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
