i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
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You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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