Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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