u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
