Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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