saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize