Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
