Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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