Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
